Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Sleepy's Firsts....

The other day my daughter got into my bedroom and destroyed my beloved bookshelf. At least three shelves were completely bare because she had thrown them all on the floor. Sigh.... so I began putting them back in order when I came across my children's babybooks. I couldn't help myself, I open them and started to flip through the memories. My daughter's book is pretty much empty (Bad Mommy!!) but my son's books have quite a bit written in them. Of course I silently cussed at myself for not "staying on top" of the babybooks, but it became such a low priority over time.
As I thumbed through them I had to smile at the "Baby's Firsts..." section: First step, first word, first smile, first tooth, and so on. It started me thinking about MY firsts. Throughout life you come across many "Firsts." Your first kiss, first car, blah blah blah. Some are fantastic memories...others are down right horrible, but almost all leave a lasting impression in your mental Rolodex. So I thought it would fun to take a trip down memory lane and relive some of my Firsts, some are more of your traditional Firsts, others are just ones that kinda stick out in my mind. Enjoy.

To my mother: Please do not continue to read if you still think I am an Angel! You will be sorely disappointed lol Also, remember I am a grown women now, so do not try and ground me. :-) Love you!

My first:

Time I peed myself in public: This was when I was in Kindergarten. I asked the teacher if I may use the restroom and she told me "Of course, but could you deliver this note to the principle's office when you go?" I said "Sure." and I waited.....she continued to write a fucking novel while I did the pee pee dance right next to her. I had to pee SOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad! I crossed my legs and bit my lip trying to hold it in...and she continued to write. I bounced up and down grunting and put my hands over my crotch to help hold it in. FINALLY, she folded up the letter and handed it to me. I snatch the letter out of her hand and turned around to make a run for the bathroom. The moment my legs came uncrossed.........WHOOOOSH....Niagra Falls baby. I stood in shock thinking to myself...NO WAY did that just happen....then I cried.

Pet: Happened on the same day I peed my pants in front of my entire Kindergarten class. After I was sent to the nurse's office to phone someone to bring me some new clothes. My class had a raffle to raffle off all of my teachers pets she had at home. (She was moving and could not have any pets where she was moving to.) She was giving away some goldfish and a hamster. I ended up winning a goldfish. I personally think that she just felt sorry for me and pretended to pull my name, but it DID make me feel better lol....it would have made me feel a hell of a lot better if she would have given me that damned hamster though! Geez....come on lady. Anyway, I named him Twinkie.

Kiss: Well, when I was in first grade I cornered this one boy on the play ground and gave him a BIG smooch cause I though he was soooooo cute! (His name was Jared) He cried and told the teacher (which was a nun) her name was Sister Alfreda. Anyway, I got in trouble and had to write "I will not kiss boys" about 100 times. Bitch. I was just expressing myself man!

So some of you are probably saying .....ahhhhh that's not a REAL first kiss. lol Now my first kiss with a boyfriend-type was in 5th. His name was Mike; he walked me home from school (even though he lived across town..so sweet) and I gave him a kiss. (No tongue or anything though...I mean come on I was in 5th grade! lol French kissing didn't come about until 6th grade hee hee)

Boyfriend: Again this was Mike in 5th grade. Now considering my age and everything even though I called him my boyfriend, he was more of a favored companion that was male. We hung out and stuff, but I wouldn't say it was a romantic relationship. It was just 'the thing' to call him my boyfriend. :-) I think I would consider my first real boyfriend to be in 7th grade, this was my puppy love. His name was Mike as well.

Alcoholic Beverage: Not counting the sips of beer my father, grandpa, or family members let me have just to see my reaction, was in 8th grade. A friend of mine had committed suicide and I was hanging out with some friends. They were putting together a time capsule for him and we buried it. One of the guys brought beer and I had a half of one with them....and OMG it tasted awful. I never acquired my taste for beer until college, and even then it had to be keg beer.

Smoking: This one belongs to my best friend at the time Shaye. She was 4 years older than I was and she smoked. One day I asked her if she would teach me how to inhale. She said sure. I wanted to know how it was done...not really so I could smoke, but just to know what it meant to "inhale." Sounds like a cop out but it is the truth. I was never one to fold under peer pressure, I am just one of those people that like to know and experience things for myself. I tried it and coughed so hard I threw up lol. This was also in 8th grade. I never smoked another cigarette until I was at a party later on in my high school years.

Crush: Let's hear it for the 8th grade!! Apparently many firsts happened in this time of my life. lol So this is when I had my first crush...like the can't sleep, think about him all the time, get dressed in the morning trying to impress him crush. His name was Micki and he was 5 years older than me LOL, but damn he was hot! I had a lot of older friends and they had brothers which in turn had friends....that is how I met him. I am sure he thought it was so cute to have this little 8th grader infatuated with him...probably laughed about it with his friends and stuff, because, me being me, told him how much I liked him. SIGH....I have never been shy. He was pretty nice about it. He told me that the age difference was a problem for him and stuff like that lol Well, anyway, years later I ran into him at a club. While his eyes practically bulged out of his skull at me (I blossomed nicely OH YEAH BABY), I was like OMG what did I ever see in this guy! lol He hit on me, I told him I had a fiance, more small talk and then went our separate ways. But I have to say....I thought it was great.

Job: My first job, besides babysitting, was at a laundry mat. YUCK! I forever hated doing laundry because of this experience. Thank God my husband would rather do laundry compared to other household chores. So he does most all of the laundry and I do most everything else....fair trade if you ask me.

Car: My first car was a 1977 Dodge Aspen, I had troubles docking that son of a bitch....Man it was a huge car lol. But it was MY boat and no one else's....plus it did have a V8 engine in it. Boy that baby could move LOL. But I had to be careful...if I went too fast it started lifting off the ground. J/K It also was automatic. Yippee!! So...one day my dad tells me that he might have found a car for me. I was SOOOO excited! He said that all we had to do was go to this guys house and if we could get it running we could just have it...... ooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkk. So it doesn't run? Nope. Perfect....what a POS right? lol Well, my dad is "The Man" he can fix anything, and he did,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,for $9! My car was a huge boat, that had no air conditioner and the heater stayed on continuously... even in the blistering heat of a Kansas summer. My car was the "Naked Car" in the summer time. You seriously had to wear the least amount of clothing possible if you did not want to die from heat stroke. I usually just wore my bikini. ( I am so not kidding here!) My friends thought it was awesome lol Especially the guys. The other unique thing about my car was that it had, what I called geezer lights, they were extra blinkers that were on the hood of the car facing the driver so you knew what blinker was on. (I am laughing my ass off here just thinking about them!) Anyway, it really was great first car, but then my sister killed him. She stole him one day and brought him back with the hood on fire....and the Aspen was no more.

Drove a Stick: So when I learned to drive it was in an automatic car. My friend Paul and my husband Adam always were trying to get me to learn how to drive a stick. Adam tried once and I couldn't even get it in first gear...then I quit. They were always on my ass about it. One night I went out with Paul to Tanner's, one of more favorable hang out places, to celebrate his completion of his firefighter training (I think) Anyway, he got soooooo drunk he could barely walk. It was then that we realized we had a problem. He had driven us there in his truck...which was a stick shift. He gives me a pep talk and we head out to the parking lot with the keys in my hands. Talk about nerves...I was about to drive a stick shift for the first time with a drunk as a co-pilot/teacher, and we were going to driving about 15 miles through the city of Wichita. He gave me a quick rundown on the mechanics of it and told me to "start her up!" It took me forever to get it into first gear and then we were off. Turning corners and stop lights were my worst enemy. We got stuck at one of the busiest intersections in town as I tried to get the fucking car back into first gear at a stoplight. I killed it probably 20 times. Finally I just put the metal to the floor and shoved it into gear, the car launched forward with such force I screamed. He keep trying to tell me about downshifting and helpful hints on using his clutch. Pfffttt...downshifting...please..fuck that! I took corners going about 30 miles per hour, tires squealing all the way. After a lot of screaming, yelling, laughing, and "close calls," we finally got home ok and because he was sooo drunk, he even laughed about how often I "grinded the gears."

Sex: My first sexual experience was with my husband. We were 17 years old, almost eighteen and I knew I was in love with this man. We were not married yet, but that was ok with me. It was a little scary, but overall a very enjoyable experience (and just has gotten better over the years! lol) I know a ton of people that say that their "first time" was AWFUL or a mistake. I disagree with both of those. By the time I had decided to have sex, I knew I wanted to. I loved him, I felt I was ready, and I wasn't just jumping into it. I even took precautions and got on birth control. (That was a fun conversation to have with my father lol) I had turned down MANY advances in the past by other guys. With him it just felt right.

Went To A Rock Concert: I was a late bloomer in this area. I didn't go to my first concert until I was 19. I was in college and living by myself at the time. My fiance was at BASIC training. I got a phone call from my friend Paul asking if I wanted to go to KC for a concert that night, he had an extra ticket because his brother couldn't make it. Eldorado was on the way, so he would just pick me up and go. I was at work, so I took off early and off we went. I saw No Doubt and Weezer opened for them. We had such a blast! Since then I have been to countless concerts. I love them. Working at a Music Store had it's perks...one of them was free concert tickets.

Apartment: What a shit-hole!!!! I was sooooo excited that when I chose my first apartment I do not think I was thinking clearly. The only good thing about it was that it was cheap....for obvious reasons lol. It had no dishwasher, no washer/dryer hook ups, and it was very small. It had shag carpet and fake wood panel walls. There were only three windows in the entire place. The door that went to the balcony didn't shut properly and was crooked. It left a gap about 2 inches at the bottom of the door, in the winter time we had to shove towels in there to keep the snow and cold air out. Oh yeah! Another odd thing was that their was a rule that you were not allowed to have more than three guests in your apartment. Bunch of Bullshit. We broke that rule of course. On the positive side, if I hadn't lived there I wouldn't have met one of my dear friends.

I Used a Vibrator: This was in the year 2001. My husband had been over seas for about 4 months and someone was getting REALLY horny. I mean come on....he was gone and I hung out with some really hot guys. Plus of course, I am just me...I am a bit of a horn-dog. Anyway, I was at work and complaining to my co-workers/friends about how horny I have been...after the kind offers "to help me out that situation" one of them said, "why don't you just masturbate?" Hmmmmmmmmm...I don't know about that. I felt dirty just thinking about it. That night I went home and tried to get myself in the mood. I got out the candles, incenses, favorite sheets, locked my door, (I had roommates), and put Gladiator in the DVD player. Over an hour passed and my arm was getting tired...FUCK IT. I was so disappointed, apparently I do not turn myself on or something. I felt like such a failure. Maybe I just do not have ''magic fingers.' So I go to bed unsatisfied. The next day, everyone of course asked me "How'd it go?" I was ashamed, but I admitted to them it was a total loss. I told them about it and they all just had this purma-grin on their faces. Christian told me that what I needed was a vibrator and suggested we go get one. So five of us Christian, Justin, Andy, Megan, and myself jump into the car and head to Priscilla's. After many discussions we found the perfect one for me. I went home, set up my room, music, candles, Gladiator muted on the TV, and closed my door. Whhhhrrrrrrrrr.........OMG!!!!!!! Three minutes later I was done. WHEW!!!! WOW, ...that...was....AWESOME! So B.O.B (Battery Operated Buddy) and I have had this wonderful relationship for YEARS now. (Yes I still have him) I take good care of him and he takes GREAT care of me whenever I need him.

Broken Bone: My first Broken Bone was also in 2001 when my husband was overseas. I had gotten a phone call from a friend that was in Japan and after we talked he wanted to talk to Cush (his best friend and she lived with us) but she was down at another apartment. He only called every other month or so, so I told him to wait for 2 mins while I ran down to get her. I put the phone down and ran out the door. I jumped off my porch and my foot landed funny and WHAM...face-plant right into the concrete. I heard a crack and felt my foot burn. I got up and limped down to the other apartment. Cush and I were walking back my I heard a pop and a sharp pain shoot up my leg. After that I needed help walking. Over night my foot bloomed in colors of purple, black, yellow, and blue. I went to the doctor and found that I had broken my Fifth Metatarsal in my left foot. It was a spiral fracture and would take about 2 months to heal. So I had to wear one of those BIG ugly boots and use crutches.....it sucked ass.

Skinny Dipping: In college one of our favorite things was to go to the lake for the weekend and drink ourselves into oblivion and just have a great time for the whole weekend. On our first HUGE party out at Winfield Lake, I was drunk and it was about midnight. I thought it was perfect for skinny dipping, so I told everyone I was going skinny dipping and everyone was welcome to come. Pretty much every stripped down right there and started running to the lake. WOOT!!! Since then it has been a tradition that at midnight we all go skinny dipping. Nowadays, though it happens less and less, for we all have families and are all grown up now lol. Even so, if I were ever at the lake at midnight without my children I would SO skinny dip, but they way I have gain weight the last couple years, I do not think it would be appropriate to call it Skinny Dipping...it is more like going for a Chunky Dunk!

Kids: My husband and I got married in the year 2000. We talked about trying to have kids after our third year anniversary. At the beginning of 2001, he was sent overseas. He got back at the end of November. While he was gone I decided to save some money and quit taking my birth control...I mean I didn't need it LOL I wasn't getting any. When he came back, I started on my birth control again. Then at the end of the summer of 2002 he was sent to Germany, I quit again...those SOBs cost me $45 a month. He came back in Oct of 2002 and we just used condoms until I could get to the doctor to get a PAP. I started the pills again in Dec of 2002 and it was agreed that I would continue to take the pills until the beginning of July 2003. At that time I would quit taking them and we would try for our first baby. I was scared about getting pregnant and kept telling him that maybe we should wait for our 5 year anniversary. (yup, I was a big pussy) Then shortly after getting back from my Spring Break vacation in March, I had suspicions that I might be pregnant. I called my cousin and close friend Kendra to come over and wait with me while I did the test...it was positive. Shit! I cried.... a lot. I called my husband and told him, he was of course on cloud nine! He was soooooo excited!!!! "Well we are little bit ahead of schedule......maybe we just practiced too much for the big game huh?" HE WAS MAKING JOKES!!!! Can you believe it? I thought my life was over and he was just happy as could be and making fucking jokes! After about 16 weeks I was showing to be bigger than I should have been. After the sonogram we found out why....TWINS! My husband almost fell out of his chair when they told us. lol

Doctor -"Do you have twins in the family"


Doctor-"Well, you do now."

Adam--"Holy Sh__" loses balance. LOL

And the rest is history........................

So there it is, my Firsts...at least the ones I could think of right off the top of my head lol. I would love to hear about yours either in a blog or comments. LOL Hope you enjoyed a trip down my memory lane!


Super Mom said...

HAHAHA Loved it! Couple notes though...

Um, the HOOD was not on fire, what was UNDER the hood was on fire... and it was an electrical problem, totally not my fault... :)

And second, I didn't STEAL the car, I borrowed it... without permission...

Ok, then! My firsts will be coming up soon!!

WalkingInADream said...

What ever gave you the idea I thought you were 'ever' an angel... I am your flesh and blood... you could never be an angel even if you tried really really hard... you have your father's blood in you (HA HA) plus mine.

I loved your firsts... I don't know if I would want to share all my firsts... you might change your mind about ME.