Larry The Cable Guy-
"They are now trying to politically correct up Christmas Stories so that they don't offend nobody and that everybody everywhere can enjoy them. So this is a story that was formerly known as "'Twas The Night Before Christmas....."
"Twas The Night Before a Non-Denominational Winter Holiday"
Twas the night before a non-denominational winter holiday, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The neutral gift sacks were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that a non-specific holiday figure would be soon be there.
Children of every race, creed, and nationality,were rested all snug in their beds
While visions of sugar-free plums danced in their heads.
When out on the lawn there rose such a clatter
I got out of bed to see what was the matter....and to find out who was violating the neighborhood sound level ordinance!
But what to my wondering eyes did appear?
But an emissions-free vehicle, and 8 sized-challenged reindeer.
Holiday figure was so lively and quick
I knew in a moment it must be.........holiday figure.
He had a broad but normal face, and an advanced sized belly,
and he laughed, "Lady of the Evening! Lady of the Evening! Lady of the Evening!"
......"Now can you believe that? What in the world -- you can't even say "Ho! Ho! Ho!" anymore?! What kind of commie crap is this? I don't care who you are his name is Santy Clause and he cracks deer with a horsewhip, breaks into people's houses, drinks rum and eggnog, and looks like Uncle Jessie from "The Dukes of Hazard"....End of Story!"
Well, I would go on, but my kids.....
I will write more soon.
Hope you enjoyed some Christmas Cheer! (well sort of LOL)