Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I'm just trying to help....

Women...Have you had your boyfriend, lover, fiance, or husband have troubles understanding what constitutes as a "good" gift for holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc? Or Men...have you ever had trouble figuring out what that "perfect" gift might be? Most of us can probably relate to this situation. I am here to help....and maybe get a chuckle out of you. It just seems that for some reason, men have the hardest time picking out that perfect gift. So I took sometime and made a quick list of items that I would consider the worst gift ideas to buy.

Disclaimer: Now these are my opinions based on the numerous phone calls I get every year from my girlfriends, complaining about all the shitty presents they got. I always have to say, "What was he thinking?"

Before we get to the list: I got this through my email today and I loved it so much I wanted to share it with as many people as I could. Please take time to click on the link below:

OK here we go...

Ten Gifts You Should Never Get A Woman For A Special Occasion:

1. Any type of appliance that makes "housework easier." This is just a horrible idea! If your house is in need of new appliances, wait until after the holiday, birthday, anniversary, etc to purchase these items. (They are not gifts!) Buy the appliance together, go to the store and choose the one you both agree on.

2. I would recommend not buying clothes for her. Chance are you do not know her real size and her taste in clothes can very. No matter if you think you know her size.....if it doesn't fit her perfectly, her feelings will probably be hurt. If it is too small: She will feel that you thought she was much skinny then she really is and she will fill fat. Too big: She will feel that you see her as much larger then she really is, this will make her feel fat. So do yourself a favor and skip clothing....instead buy a $500 gift card to her favorite store and let her go on a shopping spree!

3. No shoes. Again this is a touching situation. Color, style, size, and feel all come into to play here. Most women are EXTREMELY picky about their shoes, so unless you would like one shoved up your ass because you bought a pair that would fit Bigfoot...stay away from these as well.

4. No exercise equipment or gym memberships. This just screams 'I think you are fat and need to lose some weight." Even if she SWEARS she wants a treadmill, don't fall for it. This is probably a test....if you buy it, you will fail. Instead, I suggest again, going shopping together for the item on any other regular day. Not only will you probably get something you both will enjoy, but just the fact that you went shopping with her will score you major long as you are not a dick.

If she asks why you didn't buy the treadmill for her, just reply "Oh honey, I wanted to get you something much more special. For this occasion I would rather spend my money trying pamper you instead." Then give her a certificate for a Day at the Spa. Trust me, I do not know one women that would not like to spend the entire day getting pampered. Make sure it includes a manicure, pedicure, facial, 1 hour massage, and maybe even a hair cut. (Kissing ass can only help you sweetie)

5. Cooking utensils. These lack creativity and thought, don't put yourself in that category. Also, most utensils are not very expensive, most women would like that you spend just a tad more money on them. A lot women see cooking as "just another chore," and purchasing these items as gifts would send the message that you agree she should be in the kitchen. (Even if you do believe she should be in the kitchen, it is best NOT to let her know that!!......bastard)

6. Never buy anything for her that you secretly want, like a bowling ball, power tool, stereo equipment, or shotgun. She will see right through this and probably kick your ass, OR she will be polite, say thank you in a tone that says "fuck you" and go return the item for something she would like. Either way you are an asshole and she will remember it for years to come. (Trust me on this one)

7. Perfume. Now some of you might be saying, "But she loves it when I get her perfume for her!" That is all fine and dandy. Perfume can be pretty expensive, but if it is only one of 3 items you are getting her...let's go for something a little more romantic. Also, if you do not know what perfume she wears, just forget about it buddy. Women are pretty particular about their perfume and will not settle for some cheap ass perfume that comes in a really "cool looking bottle." Women try on numerous perfumes looking for the one that smells "just right." The odds of you finding one that she absolutely adores is pretty slim.

8. Bubble Baths, Lotions, and Body washes. This is something you buy for someone you do not know really well, or nieces, sisters, mother-in-laws. This says "I had no clue what to get you and didn't make time to find out what you really wanted". Now guys, I know some of you are saying....awwww, those are okay....true, but....this is another item that shows no creativity, thought, or that you really care about what she wants. I can guarantee you that, if she ever shops at a mall, she probably has tons of this shit already. Choose something else.

9. No prepacked gift boxes, baskets, or tubs that contain cute little hot cocoa mugs, with 20 different types of hot cocoa, marshmallows,....the works! Or, any other "themed" gift package. These are items you get for a co-workers, neighbors, the mailman, or whatever. Basically, it is a cop-out from buying a REAL gift. I have to say, that personally I kinda like these gifts....but not from my husband. These gifts are ok from people who do not know me that well and would like me to know that they had me in mind while making their holiday shopping list. BUT THEY ARE NOT A GIFT THAT YOU GIVE TO THAT "SOMEONE SPECIAL" IN YOUR LIFE!

10. Gift Cards/Certificate. Ok I know this seems a little hypocritical considering the advice I gave earlier in #'s 2 and 4, but hear me out. The certificates I spoke of earlier I still feel are ok to give her. I am talking about gift cards for fast food places, Wal- Mart, the Mall, bookstores, or minutes on a cell phone/calling card. I mean come on....This is suppose to be your "someone special" not just your buddy. I would accept any/all of these from my friends, family, co workers, and anyone else who wants to give me one....except my husband. When you are in a relationship, you NEED to go that extra mile...spend the extra few dollars... or think in advance for that perfect present. Is that really too much to ask?

(PS if any of my family are reading this I would love movie passes to the Warren Theater!)

So anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! Hopefully, I have helped at least one person out there. I need to go for now to put my daughter to bed. Maybe later in the week, I will post some good gift ideas for both women and men. Until then.....


Super Mom said...

Freakin' hilarious! Loved it! I completely agree on all, except the perfume one. But that is a special one for me because Pat actually DOES know the perfume I like, and DOES have good taste in fragrances... :)

And yes, clothes, shoes, etc are off limits! Most men can't match for shit anyways, so their energy is best spent on other ideas...

Now, you need to give them some GOOD ideas!!

Christine said...

OMG ....... I laughed all the way thru your post .... it is so freaking true. Hands down!!!!!

Needsleepy said...

I laughed a lot while typing it! LOL My husband was reading over my shoulder pointing at the screen saying shit like "Oh I remember that...HEY! I don't do that, do I?....and Whatever!I am GREAT at giving gifts."